I know you have seen plenty of examples of “healthy” relationships on social media. Some you yearn for. Some you envy over. I don’t want to smother you in more advice or clichés necessarily. I just want to give you a raw opinion of what it is like to be in a heathy relationship especially with someone who isn’t vegan.
My boyfriend and I met while working at a donut shop. I had recently decided I was going to give serious dating one more chance before giving up completely. I have been in a few long term relationships that were just that rough mix of really good and really bad. I was worried about serious dating again but picked Michael as the one to try to do it right with. So after a Bumble match, some snapping over a couple of weeks, we both decided to go on our first date. The rest is now a history full of laughs and tears 9 months later.
1. We don’t take ourselves too seriously
We are like kids with adults privileges and its great. Whatever your definition of fun is you should be able to do that with your lover! We do childish things like drag race to Lowe’s to buy plants, drink beer while eating vegan chicken nuggets, sit on the roof to watch sunsets, play fight and even call my mom on facetime to settle petty debates. If I got to listen to him talk about frat parties and his next creative project then he is GOING to listen to me rant about cute animals and astrology (I am a Libra and he is a Capricorn FYI). We are best friends and lovers because we don’t take ourselves too seriously.
2. Allow another to be ourselves while pushing to make another grow.
He is the only person in my whole life (yes whole, no exaggeration) that has never once asked be to change who I am. He just loves me as is. I love him as is. However, he has made me increase my emotional maturity because I was pretty cold hearted haha.
“You've taught me how easy it is to eat well and, aside from veganism, how to view the world in a more positive light”- Michael
He has also never made me feel bad for being passionate about anything like my veganism for example. I got lucky because he will eat, buy and cook vegan food for myself and himself. He just likes to eat! We respect another so it is easy. I let him eat whatever and all I ask is “hey just don’t kiss me after eating meat or dairy”. My intent has never been to make him go vegan and he likes that about me.
3. We take responsibility for everything we say and do.
He is one of the few people I can be like “You hurt my feelings by doing xyz” and not have to go into WWIII afterwards. He just accepts it, listens, gives feedback and then were done. Neither of us believe arguing is healthy and we just hate confrontation. I am not perfect either and I am quick to be like “I said this to you and you did not deserve it, I was triggered by xyz and that’s what that was all about.”
Being forgiving and willing to keep trying fosters a healthy relationship. Neither of us seriously badger another about past mistakes. We will remind another but not perpetually chastise another for past mistakes. Nothing is gained if you both can’t be responsible.
4. We are straight forward so we can meet each other half way.
Nothing sucks more than feeling like you are doing ALL the work in a relationship. Meeting half way can be like attending each other’s events, splitting time with each set of parents, trading off paying for food out and cooking food at home and even being consistently open about feelings. People argue the MOST about finances and time spent in relationships. Staying open and consistent with your needs and wants should only help the relationship if you both want it.
“...we actually talk about difficult things when we should which I think is a trait of a healthy relationship“-Michael
5. Give space
Kind of hard to be two different types of introverts in a relationship. I am not going to get into all the different ways you can be an introvert. We have finally gotten to a point in which we can give another just the right amount of space without creating distance. For example we don’t see each other 2-3 days a week, the rest we spend as much time as possible. Those days apart allow us to miss each other, to do homework, run errands, hang out with friends and be home alone. The thing about giving space is that it is always temporary and always for the good of each other, not as a punishment and not as isolation. Giving space closes the space that could grow between the two of you.
“At the end of the day I always have someone I can count on”- Michael
Thats all the insight I have for y’all. Let me know which insight you loved the most!
Oh and I love you bb!
SIDENOTE: He is the person who takes 75% of my blog photos of me so be thankful for him too!